


IN THE END...I'm left behind.

by BooLovesHazza



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Death, Friends to Lovers, Louis Dies, M/M, Sad Ending, Sorry about the entire thing, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 10:32:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2504642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooLovesHazza/pseuds/BooLovesHazza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis gets hospitalized for Harry to realize his true feelings.<br/>But is it too late??<br/>Warning : Might cause u to be in a bucket of tears in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	IN THE END...I'm left behind.

**Author's Note:**

> As promised. Here's my dedicated fic for you. 
> 
> So.  
> Do ignore the inconsistencies. I wrote this a year ago. And put bits and pieces together.  
> The end part is quite good I think, ignore the beginning if u wish.  
> Thank you.  
> Kudos is highly appreciated.

    February 2014

Harry is sitting in his hotel room reveling the silence. Today was his birthday and 'his girlfriend at the moment' Kendall Jenner had thrown a party inviting her friends over, except it was her friends, not his. He wasn't unhappy or sad about that. In fact he was a socialite himself and made connections very fast. Admist the party with all the drinking and music, Harry felt the need for some solitude. Which is why he finally landed back in his room. It had been hardly 10 minutes of thinking of everyone back home in Britain, when his phone buzzes in his pocket.

\---Ken Jen--- 'You left, baby...Party not cool enough for you :( '

He type back : 'Nah! It was great, just feeling a bit homesick right now. Sorry love...'

There was an immediate reply : 'I know just the remedy for that. Meet me by the pool outside ;) '

Ooohh Winky face in the end, meant TROUBLE. Harry was not going to back down from having fun on his birthday. So stripping down to his swimming trunks he trudged down to the pool. Once he reached, he let his legs feel the coolness of the water below.  He closes his eyes, anyway and let his thoughts take over.

Everyone had wished him today : his parents along with Niall, Liam and millions of other fans on twitter. He understood Zayn wasn't much of a tweeter but Louis hadn't even bothered to leave a message or call. Ever since they took a break from touring, Louis had acted like Harry never existed. He sighed. He rummaged his phone out and took another glance at his twitter page but just got dissappointed. Not that he anticipated Louis wish him, but he needed to know if Louis still counted the days to his birthday, would still make him a half-burnt breakfast and watch re-runs of crappy television shows till they fell asleep curled into each other. He would never forget his last two birthday's with Lou. Now all they ever did was ignore each other. Best friends to Strangers.

The ringing of his phone cut his string of thoughts. 'Daddy Direction' calling...it read. Good old Liam. He pushed the answer button on the second ring.

"Hey Payno!" Harry greeted.

"Harry you need to get here as soon as possible..." Liam's worried voice bursts into his ears.

"Is this your ingenious way of pranking me? I'm in LA ,boss....travelling continents is impossible. Even if you have a birthday bash planned.." Harry jokes.

"SHUT UP, Harry!! I'm serious okay?" Liam says exasperated.

"Hey, its my birthday! Be a little considerate" Harry replies hurt. Liam softens.

"Sorry man but its not some fucking party. Niall called me and something terrible has happened to Louis" Liam continues anxiously "I'm not compelling you to come if its gonna give you a jetlag, mate"

Harry's heart starts pounding against his chest. What had happened to Louis on his freaking birthday? What mean joke was the universe playing at him?

"Liam, Wait. Where is he? Is he alright?" Harry worriedly inquires.

"In Doncaster, some hospital there. I've just reached myself. I gotta go now mate" Liam replies avoiding his second question.

"I'll be there before you know it" Harry proclaims standing up. "Happy Birthday Haz..." Liam quietly says before hanging up.

'Some birthday!' Harry curses under his breath. Harry doesn't even bother to change into some decent clothes but races up to his private jet instead. He passes a confused-looking Kendall Jenner and commands his further confused pilot "To Doncaster, Will . Be real quick. I'm in the middle of a crisis"

Everything was going to be alright he convinces himself. But deep down somewhere Liam's voice told a different story. Before Harry knew it, tears were streaming down his face. LOUISLOUISLOUIS!!!...Please hang on, I'm coming for you.

 

%%%%%%%%%%%%

(Harry's POV)

I couldn't take this suspense anymore. What the fuck is happening? So I run...and run...till I stop in front of the Visitor's Room. I shove the door open, only to be greeted by a wailing Niall and comforting Liam. "Its alright, Niall. Stop crying and tell me what happened..." Liam rubs soothing circles on his back.

"This is all my fault. I should've listened to him, Li. I'm utterly the worst friend on planet earth" Niall grieves.

"What happened to Louis, Niall?" I firmly ask stepping in between them. Niall doesn't seem shocked by my arrival but looks away into space recollecting the painful memory. Liam holds him and gives me a brief nod.

Niall starts narrating "It was after 9 yeaterday night when I got a call from Louis. I was supposed to meet him today...and..and..I was surprised he called so early. I picked up anyway...and Louis was coughing and breathing hard...he said..." Niall sobs in remembrance.

Liam urges him furthur gently. "He said 'Ni, can you come home now, please? I'm not feeling very good. Something is not right...and also, Ni don't tell my mom okay?'..." Niall pauses and continues "I thought he was pranking me Liam...I really did...he sounded soo different" Liam nods understandingly.

I was infuriated, Niall didn't go. If Louis needed me I would've left everything for him. "Did you go later, Ni?" Liam tenderly asks.

"Yeah I did. But when I entered there was b-b-blood on the floor...and Louis unconcious on the couch.." Niall shudders lightly.

I feel wierd in my stomach..I want to throw up. "Where is he now?" I forcefully shake Liam.

"They moved him to the I.C.U..he wasn't responding to the medication.." Liam bravely answers.

"What's wrong with him?" I scream in agony. Does no one understand my pain. "Harry calm down.." Liam tries soothing me next.

"Don't tell me to calm down...just tell me if Louis is fucking alright?" I tear up. "I don't know Harry. The doctor told us to wait. Niall admitted him as quickly as possible." Liam explains gulping down his frustration.

"Yeah...how does that fucking matter after he didn't respond to Louis call." I angrily state.

"Harry...." Liam scolds. Niall's eyes widen and he runs out. Liam shakes his head disapprovingly at me and follows him. I sink to the ground and place my head on my knees. I rent my anger out by crying. Tears I've held back, fall out in big ugly droplets..

Louis was in the I.C.U battling for his life. I was the biggest coward on earth. Louis will never know I loved him...and I will never get to kiss him. Because I was too scared to admit the truth.

Two years I killed ignoring him....now he was dying.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

Liam hung about the corridor, doing as much as he could to ease the situation. Zayn wouldn't stop smoking and Niall wouldn't stop crying. Harry on the other hand, sat expressionless with his eyes fixated on the ground. Liam was worried about Harry, more than anyone else Harry was the closest to Louis, at least before their major fallout.

Harry never acted this way and it frankly scared him. Seconds ticked past as Liam debated if he had to inform Louis' mom and family. Niall kept saying 'no' because Louis specifically instructed him not to. There was nothing anyone could do at the moment. Paul had kept it down with the media-stalkers and press.

After a good amount of waiting...a white coated guy stepped out requesting to meet one of them privately.

Liam being Daddy Direction and Louis' new found mate, leaps up and disappears into the doctors cabin. It takes a while before Liam walks out.

The three of them sprint upto him.

"What happened..." Zayn asks

"Is everything alright..." Niall screams out.

"He isn't going to die is he...." Harry anxiously mutters. The three heads snap towards Harry's direction in surprise.

Liam clears his throat to gain back the attention and proclaims "Louis has leukemia.."

"Luke..what?" Zayn stammers. "Cancer. In its last stage" Liam elaborates leaning against the wall for support "They say, its useless to treat it now and they tried everything they could"

Calm and collected, Liam falls apart in front of them.

"What does that mean?" Niall asks scared. "It means, Nialler" Liam yells "It means Tommo is going to bloody die..and leave us fucking alone!!! And we have to act like nothing ever happened"

Agony washes over them. Zayn sinks to the floor, clutching his sides. Niall keeps blaming himself "This is my fault. " to which Liam irritably replies "No Niall. He has been having it since a long time. Stop blaming yourself.."

And Harry. Harry stands stone still. Poor Harry cannot accept it. Head buzzing with past memories. WHY LOUIS?

So Harry exits the room wordless. Runs through the corridor and doesn't stop till he finds a empty room. Away from everyone. Away from humanity. Away from Louis.

%%%%%%%%%%%

HARRY POV.

I stood staring at the cars and vehicles on the road. Everyone in a hurry to reach their destination. From a hospital point of view...the contrast of the world seems truly thought-provoking. I guess what I'm trying to say is : We don't realize we're so busy with our lives we forget to count our blessings and appreciate the people we care about. Or in my case tell them you love them.

I get rudely shaken from my thoughts when a stranger bursts in, the occupant of this room. "S-sir..I'm sorry. I didn't know you were.." she blurts out. "Oh don't apologize..I was just having a minute. Sorry for the inconvinience.." I respond quickly.

I exit the door after giving her my autograph...and refusing a picture because I clearly look like shit from all the crying. I lose my way back to the Visitor's room and end up in a deserted corridor. The beeping of the hospital instruments echoes into my ears. I stride carefully without making noise. Then my eyes land on a shocking sign with a bold, black print : I.C.U I freeze, my breath hitches in my throat as well. This was where Louis was brought right?

I distinctly recall Liam saying something about I.C.U... I inch closer towards the door, almost knocking down the sign : Silence Please. I know entry is prohibited...but every cell in my body just wanted to see Louis, catch his hand and feel his heart-beat. The lack of noise and devoid of human population gives me the courage to push open the door.

If there was ever a time I saw something that would scar my brain forever. This was that time. Louis was laid on a white bed with pipes and tubes running through his body. His brown hair laden with sweat. Those beautiful blue eyes concealed behind closed eyelids. He was on breathing support and the heart-monitor kept beeping at a constant rate.

A tear escaped from my eye. Vibrant, loud Louis Tomlinson reduced to this sickly condition. I paced forward towards his bed. I took a minute to gaze at him..and slowly brushed his hair off his forehead. "Why, Lou? Why did you let this happen to you?" I ask his unconcious self. I run my hands down his steep cheekbones...its warm like there were still traces of life in them. I send a silent prayer up for that.

I gulp down my misery and continue "You know,Boo..I'm the worst friend ever. I should have given you all my time instead of hanging out in LA or anywhere else. I'm s-sorry Boo..." I cry "You cannot leave me, you understand..You have to fight through this."

All the water flows from my eyes. The pain I held back stinging in my chest. "I need you, Lou..." I pause and take a breath "Your the only thing that matters in my world...I forgot to tell you that! " Louis is still unmoving.

"Actually, there's something else I forgot to tell you, Louis" I confess to the air and take his fragile hands in mine. I place a small kiss on his forehead and say "I love you, Louis Tomlinson. Loved you since the day my eyes landed on you in the toilet where we first met"

I might've imagined it but Louis' lips curve up slightly. "And I haven't stopped loving you since. Remember the mutiple times we were about to kiss and I just cowardly didn't make a move. I'm sorry, Lou...I was scared. But you know what I'm not scared anymore...and I want to be with you. Give me one last chance, Lou...just survive this please"

I wipe away a stray tear "Promise me, you'll make it through this."

There is no movement. I can hear faint footsteps and I know I have to leave or I'll get caught. So I tenderly kiss his hand one last time and lay it back on his chest. I swiftly make my way to the door and then a hoarse voice stops me

"Harry.."

I snap my head around and meet the blue eyes of Louis Tomlinson.

"I love you,too" is all I hear before a pair of hands tug me outside roughly.

I don't mind though because those were the four words I wanted to hear. That moment was locked up in the deepest part of my heart.

%%%%%%%%%%%

The next two days was a blur of familiar faces frequenting the hospital. Louis’ parents, stepdad’s and sisters surrounded him with flowers, love and a sense of family bonding. A stricken Eleanor had also graced the corridor in one of Louis’ old jumpers. She gave them a weak smile and gentle squeeze before disappearing inside.

Contrary to popular belief, Harry never hated Eleanor. She was there for Louis, she gave him the love he deserved when he couldn’t. He would be eternally grateful. The boys were sent to the nearest hotel to avoid overcrowding the hospital.

Family was of course the foremost requirement at this time.

Harry sat curled up in an arm-chair, replaying one statement in his head over and over again. “I love you too, Harry”. “I love you too, Harry”. “I love you too, Harry” He would laugh sarcastically. What is his life?

He hadn't gone with the boys on their appointed visit as a band. Because what’s the use. Might as well stay here. Louis was leaving him either way. No option, no hope.

He shouldn't even bother.

. -------------------

The old clock in their Victorian style hotel proclaimed the joyous arrival of midnight.Harry who had dozed off in an awkward angle on his aforementioned arm-chair jerked awake. Rubbing his eyes from exhaustion, he made a quick survey of the room.

A note was pinned noticeable with a magnet against the metal board. Reaching for the note and bottle of water to satisfy the dryness of his aching throat, he read through it.

“ ** _Gone home after seeing Louis. Temporary break was announced by the management. Call me when your awake._** ** _-Liam_**

 ** _P.S Lou asked why you didn’t come? Want to go give him the answer, its your last chance. He needs you Harry. Don’t disappoint him this last time. The rest is your choice_**.”

\------------------

The street lights flickered in a haze as he sprinted down to what he thought was the route to the hospital.

Left or was it right? Idiot Idiot. Go with right.

“Entry Prohibited” read the sign. Who fucking cares.

Harry walked the corridor noticing varying degrees of ill fated patients through the glass windows. Life wasn’t a normality here but a need.

His Louis doesn’t belong here. Louis with the ever present vibrance and enthusiasm that would rival the world’s population. His Louis belongs in his arms, planning out their life together. Watching their kids grow up and celebrating their anniversary with chicken stuffed with parmaham and wrapped in mozzarella or whatever.

Waking up to cuddles and falling asleep to sweet kisses.

They never had that. Fuck.

Harry didn’t even get to kiss him. Life.

Harry learns that day. Is absolutely unfair. And whoever tells you otherwise is a big fat liar.

Harry’s thoughts come to a standstill with his body. There are exactly 5 steps towards the door. He knows he can’t handle it.

But he has to stay STRONG. Be Strong For His Louis. He pushes the door.

And then he knows, this might be his last conversation with Louis Tomlinson.

%%%%%%%%%%

All the air he held in, is immediately blown off his chest the moment he enters. The electric blue eyes snap in his direction. All lingering sadness is replaced with such a big smile that it might split Louis’ face in two.

Harry cannot believe he could ever have that effect on Louis. Composing his heart and sporting a similar smile, he shakily walks towards Louis. Legs wobbling like a toddler learning to walk. He almost misses the last step and tumbles but Louis’ small hands wrap around his elbow grounding him.

That’s it in the end isn’t it? Louis is the only anchor to keep him grounded to the earth. Keeping him from floating into the depths of madness surrounding him. Media and super-fast moving world. It drives him crazy.

Louis is the only constant reminder of calm and love.and Meaning.

“I was afraid you’d never come” Louis softly remarks after minutes of silence. Harry looks at the small hands clasping around his elbow, the spot burning a mark into his skin. Louis quickly lets go while mumbling a “sorry”

Sorry? Are you kidding me?

“No its not that” Harry firmly reclaims Louis’ cold hand into his own. He rubs Louis’ cold hands between his palms to provide some warmth. Louis’ expression changes from shocked to something Harry can’t quite interpret.

“So it was you then, that day in the ICU? I wasn’t hallucinating” Louis voices his thoughts in rushed anticipation. Harry hums in response and brushes his lips over each of Louis’ fingers. From where he gets the courage he doesn’t understand. But he’s glad they’re not in their friendship zone anymore. “I love you, Louis”

Happiness blooms across Louis’ face as Harry places feather light kisses all over his hands and arms reaching the curve of his neck he whispers “I love you so much”

Louis’ eyes tear up in overload of emotions “Wow that was so easy. You’ve gotten brave Hazza”

Harry buries his head in Louis’ neck suppressing his laugh. The angle of their bodies awkward.“budge over a little so I can cuddle you properly”

Harry climbs over the bed without disrupting the equipment or tubes. Placing himself behind Louis and pulling Louis against his chest, he wraps a protective arm across his stomach. Almost like a cocoon. Relaxing into his embrace Louis plays with the hem of Harry’s shirt. None of them say anything for a while.

“I’m scared Harry”

Harry’s eyes flicker down to Louis’ face and he leans forward dropping a kiss into his hair “There’s nothing to be scared of Lou. I’m right here beside you” Louis fondly looks at him

“I know love. I thank you for that” but before Harry could protest, he continues “I’m scared of dying Harry. Like there’s so many responsibilities I have, you know. My mom and sisters….I understand Dan’s there and all. But. I guess I always wanted to take care of them . Watch them grow up and get married. All that emotional shit”

Harry’s grasp tightens on Louis’ waist. Every word piercing his soul. Louis sighs in loss of words.

“and there’s you, Harry. I’ve wanted to take you out on a proper date. Fancy restaurant, hold your hand, kiss you under the moonlight, wake up to your beautiful face in my bed. So much I dreamt of...…I wanted it to be perfect for us.”

A tear slides across Harry’s cheeks. He wills himself to stay strong for this beautiful loving boy.

“This is perfect for me Louis. You being here that’s enough” Harry manage’s to choke out. Louis slides a fragile hand up his thigh smiling at Harry’s words.

“Whatever happens I want you to be happy, my love. Let those dimples show. Even if its not me who causes them to appear”

“Just stop talking, okay?” Harry protests face wet “You aren’t going anywhere. Your gonna stay with me, have five kids and teach them football. I’m not leaving you till then”

Louis’ laughter resonates in the room. Harry wants to bottle it up and keep listening to it.

“You already planned out our life together without me. That’s rude of you, Harry. And FIVE? Really? Want to be the next gen Brangelina” Louis brings out between bursts of laughter.

Harry grins “That I decided when I first met you. You managed hold together the five of us together in the band. So I thought why not?”.

<p>Louis raises his eyebrows and shakes his head in fond  
disapproval.

A wave of nostalgia washes over Louis' face

“Oh geez,I’ll miss ‘em all. My lads” Louis weakly smiles in recollection “Niall that brat. Give him my Donny shirt will you?…been trying to knick it when I’m not around. And oh, do convey my apologies to Zayn…he did pick me to be best-man! Ha…I win Haz!” Louis winks. They'd been fighting over who's Zayn's favorite for months now.

“Lou…what are you going on about?” Harry angrily glares ignoring the teasing. Louis isn’t giving a farewell speech for nothing.

“And Liam, of course, will have no co-writer to compose songs with. Not that he ever had trouble writing by himself. Pretty good at it..….make him dedicate his songs to me eh? ” Louis jokes.

His breathing going a bit uneven.

Harry hurriedly jerkes up feeling the pulse underneath his palm enclosing Louis’ hand fluctuate.

“Lou?” goosebumps bursting on Harry’s arms. No no no. This isn’t happening. God, please.

“Yeah Hazza my love” Louis’ feeble voice replies as he realizes whats happening as well.

“I held on to see you. I think its time to let go, Harry” Louis informs casually like he's saying 'everything's going as planned'

“No, what shi—“ Harry's muscles tensing in anxiety

“Harry its inevitable ok? Calm down” Louis cups his face with tender hands "I love you so much it hurts" Louis bumps their foreheads together till their noses touch "promise me you'll look after yourself yeah?"

Harry turns towardsthe heart monitor, the curves becoming less steep. Harry nods and kisses him to seal the promise.

Tears running between them. Lips mold together. Louis kisses back mustering the energy to slide their lips in sync. Harry uses his tongue in earnest desperation. “Don’t let go Lou. Keep fighting”

Just then the last breath leaves Louis’ lips right into Harry’s mouth. Eyes close shut automatically, a soft “I’m sorry Haz I can't hold on” is heard and that’s it.

That’s fucking it.

The line on the monitor goes flat.

The meanest joke the universe could play on anyone’s life.

Harry stumbles across the room barging into instruments. Running to get a doctor on duty. Time goes by quickly as alarms ring and nurses and doctors rush inside. Like a movie, everything around Harry is in slow-motion….Noises blocked by sudden silence.

Harry sinks to the ground, eyes unable to produce any more tears. Louis is gone and Louis left him behind.

By himself, all alone.

 

**_Nobody is here knocking at my door_ **

**_The sound of silence I can’t take anymore_ **

**_Nobody ringing my telephone now_ **

**_Oh how I miss such a beautiful sound_ **

**_I don’t even know how I’ll survive_ **

**_I can’t make it o the shore without your light_ **

**_I don’t even know if I’m alive_ **

**_Without you now, this is what it feels like_ **

**_Nothing to hold but the memories and frames_ **

**_Oh they remind me of the battle I face_ **

**_Without your love, without you I drown_ **

**_Somebody save me_ **

**_I’m going down_ **

%%%%%%%

Harry's hand would find a rumpled paper in his jacket later that evening. Its would be written in beautiful fragile handwriting. A handwriting he would recognize any day.

 

**Always in my heart @Harry Styles**

**Love,**

**Louis Tomlinson**

 

And maybe, just maybe, Harry gets the strength to smile again.  


End file.
